There’s something deeply personal about the process of finding a home. I don’t mean just scrolling through listings or debating over square footage—I mean finding a space that fits. A place that reflects your life, supports your daily rhythms, and offers a kind of calm momentum every time you walk through the door.
When I moved back to the U.S. after a few years abroad, I wasn’t just looking for a house—I was looking for a reset. As a tech and privacy lawyer who works from home, I needed a space that blended both structure and serenity. But I also wanted something I hadn’t had in a while: a true sense of belonging.
If you’re currently on your own house-hunting journey, I want to walk you through the decisions that matter—the ones that go beyond the listing price or how trendy the backsplash is. Because choosing the right home isn't just about what looks good on paper—it's about what works for your life.
Let’s break it down.
Understanding What You Actually Need (Not Just Want)
This is where it starts: with a brutally honest check-in with yourself.
Before you even begin browsing, take a moment to really think about your lifestyle. I remember sitting at my kitchen table with a journal and scribbling questions to myself after a long week of touring homes that looked perfect… but somehow felt completely off.
1. How do you really live?
Maybe you're someone who thrives on calm and quiet after a long day, or maybe you’re most alive when surrounded by a buzzing neighborhood. Do you cook every night? Need a home office? Crave outdoor space for your dog or your morning coffee ritual?
2. Who else are you designing this life with?
If you're sharing your space with a partner, kids, roommates, or even pets, their needs matter too. I learned the hard way that an open floor plan might be great for entertaining, but not when you’re both on Zoom calls all day.
3. What would make life easier?
Think about friction points. Long commutes? Limited parking? No elevator for your third-floor walk-up? The right home should remove obstacles—not add more.
It’s not just about square footage or number of bathrooms. It’s about daily function. If your home doesn’t support your real life, it won’t matter how pretty the staging is.
Location, Lifestyle, and Your Inner Compass
There’s a reason “location, location, location” is repeated like a real estate chant—it matters more than almost anything else. But instead of asking, “Is this a good neighborhood?” ask: “Is this a good neighborhood for me?”
When I first moved to San Francisco in my twenties, walkability and nightlife were everything. Now? Give me access to a farmers’ market, a trailhead, and a solid Wi-Fi connection.
1. Urban, Suburban, or Rural?
Each lifestyle has its rhythm:
- Urban living is vibrant, compact, and full of opportunities—but it comes with noise, crowds, and a premium price tag.
- Suburban life tends to balance access and calm. It’s great if you want more space and still be within reach of a city.
- Rural settings bring tranquility and connection with nature, but they can also mean longer drives and fewer services.
I once considered a gorgeous rental cottage in the mountains. It checked all the boxes—until I realized the nearest grocery store was 45 minutes away, and I’d be working off a spotty internet signal.
2. Community and Connection
Pay attention to the neighborhood vibe. Do people say hello when you walk past? Are there community events or local businesses? You can change almost anything about a house, but you can’t change the neighbors or the energy of the area.
3. Don’t Skip the Practicalities
Commute time, school districts, access to hospitals, safety ratings—these are all part of your everyday experience. Make sure your dream location doesn’t create a nightmare in your routine.
What Kind of Home Really Fits Your Life?
The structure itself matters too—because the way your home is built affects how you live in it. Over the years, I’ve lived in everything from high-rise condos to townhouses to a tiny guesthouse. Each came with trade-offs.
Here’s what to consider:
1. Detached Houses
These are your classic single-family homes. They offer privacy, space, and freedom to customize—but they also come with the most maintenance. I loved my time in one of these when I had a backyard for my dog and a garage for my DIY projects.
Best for: Families, garden lovers, people who like having “their own space.”
2. Apartments
Apartments are compact, efficient, and typically located in busier areas. They often come with perks like gyms, concierge service, or shared amenities. But you’ll likely sacrifice square footage and deal with more noise.
Best for: Professionals, city-lovers, those who value convenience over space.
3. Townhouses
These are a hybrid—often multiple levels, some yard space, and maybe a shared wall or two. They’re great if you want a “home” feel without all the responsibilities of a large property.
Best for: Growing families, couples, or anyone seeking a balance between space and simplicity.
4. Condos
Ownership without the yard work—that’s the appeal here. Condo fees cover maintenance, and the amenities can be a huge bonus. Just be sure to read the HOA rules carefully. I once backed out of a condo deal when I realized their policies didn’t allow short-term guests. (Dealbreaker.)
Best for: Busy professionals, retirees, or first-time buyers wanting low-hassle living.
5. Tiny Homes & Alternatives
If you're leaning into minimalism, tiny homes and creative housing (like container homes or shared co-ops) offer low-cost, eco-conscious options. They're not for everyone—but if you’re craving freedom and simplicity, they’re worth a look.
Best for: Digital nomads, eco-conscious buyers, or those seeking financial independence.
Budgeting Without the Breakdown
Here’s the not-so-glamorous part of home buying: finances. But listen, this is where you build power. Knowing your numbers isn’t limiting—it’s liberating.
Before you even book a showing, grab your coffee (or wine) and do a deep financial inventory.
1. Know Your Numbers
Pull out your bank statements. Understand what you can truly afford monthly—not just the mortgage, but property taxes, insurance, utilities, and the occasional plumbing emergency.
2. Future-Proof Your Budget
Life shifts. Jobs change. Expenses crop up. Make sure your housing costs leave you room to breathe. I’ve seen too many friends buy at the top of their budget and feel stuck when things changed.
3. Explore Financing Options
Not all mortgages are created equal. Talk to different lenders, get pre-approved, and understand your credit score’s role in all of it. A good lender should make you feel informed, not overwhelmed.
4. Think Value, Not Just Price
Cheap isn’t always better. Pay attention to build quality, neighborhood stability, and resale potential. The right home will hold—and hopefully grow—its value over time.
Making the Home Search Less Stressful (and Maybe Even Fun?)
If you’re anything like me, house hunting can quickly spiral into decision fatigue. Pinterest boards, open houses, comparison spreadsheets—it’s a lot.
Here’s how I learned to keep things grounded.
1. Separate “Must-Haves” from “Nice-to-Haves”
I created two lists: non-negotiables (like a quiet workspace) and dream items (hello, soaking tub). This helped me avoid falling for pretty features that didn’t fit my actual life.
2. Get Support From Pros
Working with a real estate agent who listens (really listens) to your needs is a game-changer. A good agent won’t just show you what’s new—they’ll help you spot red flags and negotiate smart.
3. See a Variety, Then Trust Your Gut
Tour a mix of homes, even ones that aren’t 100% on your radar. And when you walk into the right one? You’ll feel it. That happened to me with my current place. It wasn’t even on my list originally, but when I stepped in… it just clicked.
Think Long-Term: You’re Not Just Buying a Home, You’re Building a Life
Your home is more than a place to sleep. It’s where your routines settle, your goals grow, and your memories are made.
1. Consider Future You
Think about how your needs might evolve. Are kids or pets in your future? Planning to work remotely long-term? Make sure your space has room to grow with you.
2. Don’t Rush
This is a big decision, and it’s okay to take your time. Pause. Breathe. You’re not falling behind.
3. Think Beyond the Sale
What will this home offer you five years from now? Ten? If the answer aligns with your values, your lifestyle, and your peace of mind—you’ve found a good match.
Smart Steps
- Start With a Lifestyle Audit – Grab a journal and reflect on how you live daily. Your routines will shape your home needs more than you think.
- Explore Different Living Styles – Tour urban, suburban, and rural areas to experience their vibe firsthand before committing.
- List Your Non-Negotiables – Define your must-haves early to stay focused during the home search.
- Get Pre-Approved Early – Know your budget and financing power upfront to streamline your options and negotiations.
- Trust the Feeling, Backed by Facts – Fall in love with a space, but always do your due diligence on inspections, location, and future resale value.
Your Next Chapter, Your Way
At the end of the day, finding a home that works for you is about building a space that supports your life—not someone else’s Pinterest dream.
You deserve a place where you can breathe easier, dream bigger, and live more intentionally. Whether it’s a cozy condo in the city or a fixer-upper with potential, your home should feel like an ally—not a burden.
I’ve been there—through the excitement, the overwhelm, the doubt, and the joy. And I promise, when you finally find your place, it’s worth every step.
Let’s make smart, heart-led choices together.
— Nyssa 🏡
