Years ago, during a particularly overwhelming season of life, I found myself spiraling in indecision. Should I say yes to a work opportunity that sounded impressive but felt out of sync with who I was? Should I move cities for a relationship? Should I push forward—or pause?
A mentor gently asked me a question that changed everything: “What values are guiding your choices right now?”
I didn’t have an answer. Not because I didn’t have values, but because I hadn’t taken the time to name them.
That conversation sent me down a path of self-discovery that became one of the most powerful tools in my personal and professional life: a Personal Values Assessment.
If you’ve ever felt stuck, lost, or like your life doesn’t quite feel like yours, you’re not alone. And you’re not without tools. Clarifying your values is like getting the map after wandering without one.
Let’s walk through how to discover your values—and how they can guide your everyday choices.
What Are Personal Values—And Why Do They Matter?
Personal values are the deeply held beliefs that influence how you think, act, and relate to the world. They’re often invisible, but they drive everything—from the jobs we take to the relationships we keep.
When we live in alignment with our values, we feel grounded and authentic. When we don’t? Life feels off, even if things look good on the outside.
1. How Values Shape Your Life
Think of your values as an internal compass. When you’re living by them:
- Decisions feel clearer
- Your energy feels better spent
- You experience more joy, less friction
For example, if you deeply value freedom, a rigid corporate structure may drain you. If connection is a core value, solo pursuits might leave you unfulfilled.
2. Why It’s Easy to Lose Touch With Them
In our fast-paced world, it’s easy to absorb other people’s priorities—what your family expects, what society rewards, what social media celebrates.
But here's the truth: living by someone else’s values won’t lead to your fulfillment.
That’s why reconnecting with your own is so important.
How to Discover What Really Matters to You
The good news? Your values are already within you. You just need to slow down and listen.
1. Reflect on Meaningful Moments
Start by asking:
- When in life did I feel most fulfilled?
- What was I doing?
- Who was I with?
- What about those moments made them feel meaningful?
In my case, the moments that lit me up all shared themes: freedom, integrity, creativity, and connection. Once I named those, everything else started making more sense.
2. Look for Patterns
As you reflect, jot down words or themes that come up often. These might include:
- Integrity
- Growth
- Balance
- Kindness
- Simplicity
- Security
- Curiosity
- Purpose
There’s no right or wrong—this is your personal truth.
3. Narrow It Down
Aim for a list of 5 to 7 core values. These should be the ones you come back to again and again—the non-negotiables that reflect your best self.
Too many values can dilute your focus. Narrowing down brings clarity.
4. Test Your List
Look at recent decisions or turning points in your life. Were your values present—or missing?
If something felt wrong, was it because a core value was being ignored?
This exercise can help you validate your list and make changes if needed.
5. Use Online Tools If You’d Like Structure
If you prefer a guided approach, tools like the Barrett Values Centre Personal Values Assessment can help streamline the process. But don’t overthink it—your intuition is often the best guide.
Living Your Values in Daily Life
Clarifying your values is only the beginning. The real transformation comes when you let them guide your everyday actions.
1. Let Values Shape Your Decisions
Before making a choice—big or small—ask yourself:
- Does this align with my values?
- Am I honoring who I am, or who I think I should be?
When I began using this lens, I stopped overcommitting. I said no more often—but with peace. And I said yes more freely, because my choices felt aligned.
2. Navigate Conflicting Values
Sometimes, your values bump into each other. Maybe your value of ambition conflicts with your value of rest. Or security clashes with adventure.
When this happens:
- Zoom out. What matters most long-term?
- Remember: honoring one value doesn’t mean abandoning another—it’s about balance.
I once turned down a lucrative opportunity because it compromised my value of flexibility. Hard? Yes. But the peace that followed told me I’d made the right call.
3. Make Reflection a Habit
Values can evolve. Set aside time every few months to ask:
- Are my current habits aligned with my values?
- Have my priorities shifted?
- What needs to change?
Even a short journaling session can reveal big truths.
What Happens When You Live In Alignment
When your values guide your life, something beautiful happens: your external world starts to reflect your internal truth.
1. Your Relationships Deepen
Values-based living improves communication, because you're not guessing—you’re sharing from a place of clarity.
You also attract relationships that see you for who you really are. And you become more curious and compassionate toward others’ values, too.
2. Your Choices Become Simpler
You don’t need a pros-and-cons list a mile long. You just need to ask: Is this aligned with what I stand for?
Life doesn’t get easier—but it gets clearer.
3. You Cultivate Resilience
When life throws curveballs (as it will), your values are your anchor. They remind you who you are when circumstances shift.
In hard seasons, I return to mine like a lighthouse. They don’t erase the storm—but they help me navigate it.
Smart Steps
- Write Down 5 Fulfilled Moments – What were you doing? Who were you with? What made those moments matter? Look for patterns.
- Choose 5 Core Values – From your reflection, identify 5 values that consistently show up and feel non-negotiable.
- Create a Values Filter – Before making decisions this week, ask: Which values does this support? Use that lens.
- Do a Weekly Values Check-In – Choose one value to focus on. At the end of the week, ask: Did I live this out? What needs adjusting?
- Write Your Personal Mission Statement – One sentence that captures who you are and what guides you. Let it steer your path forward.
The Map Was Within You All Along
If life feels noisy, confusing, or like you’re constantly asking, “Is this the right path?”, your values are there—waiting to guide you back.
You don’t need someone else’s checklist. You don’t need to chase every opportunity. You just need to know what matters most to you—and live from that place.
That’s what turns movement into momentum. And motion into meaning.
Your values aren’t just traits. They’re your truth. Use them, honor them, and let them lead you home.
